ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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