Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
