yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
