So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
