Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
