Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
