She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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