Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
