Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
