Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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