He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
