An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
