Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize