Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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