i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
