omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
