Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
