Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
