The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
