yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
