I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
