I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
