rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
