and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
