As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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