There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
