Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
