I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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