I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
