in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
