Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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