Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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