the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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