ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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