My hand turned me down
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
