I smell stomach acid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize