I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
