come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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