I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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