yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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