dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
