All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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