ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
