Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
