me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
