OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize