well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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