wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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