There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to stick my p in your. b.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
