bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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