i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
