I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
