Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
