Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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