You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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