Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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