As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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