i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
