You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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