I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
