I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
