i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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