Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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