Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i believe in u and ur pee
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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