I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
